रीसाइक्लिंग की दुनिया का बादशाह पाकिस्तान

1947 में दो देश बने. एक हिंदुस्तान और दूसरा पाकिस्तान. 70 साल बाद आज जब हमारे पूर्वज दोनों देशों को देखेंगे तो समझ में आएगा कि उनसे क्या गलती हुई. यदि आप यह सोच रहे हैं कि हम यहां आतंकवाद की बात कर रहे हैं तो आप गलत हैं. वैसे वो भी एक कारण है, लेकिन उससे बड़ा कारण कुछ और है. 

हिंदी में एक कहावत है कि जब बंदर के हाथ नारियल दिया जाता है तो वो उससे अपना सिर ही फोड़ता है, और यहां तो बंदरों के हाथ में परमाणु बम है. जिसके पास कुछ नहीं होता उसके पास धमकी होती है. हमारा पड़ोसी देश भी यही हथियार इस्तेमाल करता है.

बालाकोट हमले के बाद पूरे पाकिस्तान की इस धमकी की भी हवा एकदम निकल गयी है. बातों के बताशे फूटने के बाद अब एक नया तरीका अपनाया गया है. पूरी दुनिया में ‘तौबा-तौबा’ कराने के बाद यह देश अब हमें टमाटर की धमकी दे रहा है. उसका कहना है कि पाकिस्तान अपने देश में इतने टमाटर उगाएगा की इंडिया को वो अपने यहां इम्पोर्ट कराने पड़ेंगे. आतंकवाद के बाद ये दूसरी ऐसी चीज़ है जो पाकिस्तान इंडिया को एक्सपोर्ट करेगा. इस धमकी के तुरंत बाद मोदी जी ने आपात बैठक बुलाकर राष्ट्रीय सुरक्षा सलाहकार से संपर्क किया है. उनको सख्त हिदायत दी गयी है कि चाहें कुछ भी हो, लेकिन वो वाला चरस भारत में नहीं आना चाहिए जो आज कल पाकिस्तान फूंक रहा है. हमारे वाले पहले ही यहां PUBG वाली बीमारी से परेशान है.
उधर पाकिस्तान अपनी टमाटर स्ट्राइक करने के लिए अपने सब्ज़ी वालो को सख्त हिदायत दे चुका है कि एक-एक टमाटर की देख रेख ऐसे करना जैसे हम परमाणु बमों की करते हैं. इंडिया की जनता को दिखा देना है कि पाकिस्तानी कौम किसी चीज़ में कम नहीं है. इस मिशन को पूरा करने के लिए पाकिस्तान के सुप्रसिद्ध किसान हाफिज सईद से संपर्क किया गया है. नाम न बताने वाला वादा ले कर एक पाकिस्तानी अधिकारी ने बताया कि चिचा हाफिज एक ज़माने में चरस की खेती करने के एक्सपर्ट थे. पूरी बिरादरी में वो इतने प्रसिद्ध थे कि उनका यह राज़ जानने के लिए बच्चे पाकिस्तान के सुदूर इलाकों से हाफिज सईद के पास आते थे. यही से लश्कर-ए-तैयबा का जन्म हुआ, जो कालांतर में जमात-उद-दावा हुआ. टमाटर वाले जिहाद को करने हेतु अब एक टमाटर-उगाओ-बावा की भी शुरुआत होने वाली है. इंशाल्लाह इससे जिनपिंग फूफा जान भी खुश होंगे.

देखा जाए तो पाकिस्तान से भारत को डर कर रहना चाहिए. ठीक वैसे ही जैसे नेग माँगने वालो से जनता डर के रहती है. अब देखिए न, हम ठहरे दुनिया के एक ज़िम्मेदार देश जिसने चांद से ले कर मंगल तक का रास्ता नाप दिया है. दूसरी तरफ एक ऐसा देश है जिसने अभी तक कश्मीर की सीमा पार करना भी नहीं सीखा है. पाकिस्तान के मीडिया चैनलों से ही मोहतरमाएँ बातों की ऐसी बौछार कर देती हैं कि हर भारतीय के कान लहूलुहान हो जाते हैं. दूसरी तरफ गरीबों को टमाटर के लिए भी तरसा कर हमने पहले ही इंसानियत का सिर शर्म से झुका दिया है. अब बस पाकिस्तान का लहंगा उठाकर नाचना बाकी है. ऐसे देशों से डर कर ही रहना चाहिए. कहने वाले तो ये भी कहते हैं कि अभिनंदन को छोड़ने की एवज में इमरान खान ने एक किलो टमाटर मांगे थे, लेकिन मोदी जी ने वो भी नहीं दिए. बोले कि उधर से मसूद अजहर को लाओ और आधा किलो टमाटर ले जाओ. इसको इमरान खान ने यह कहते हुए मना कर दिया कि उसके बाद हमारी खाली दारू की बोतलें कौन खरीदेगा. आज कल बकरियां भी इमरान खान से नाराज़ चल रही है.

पाकिस्तान से हमें बहुत कुछ सीखना चाहिए. रीसाइक्लिंग में पाकिस्तान दुनिया का नंबर एक देश है. हम जिन चीज़ों को बेकार समझ फेंक देते हैं, पाकिस्तान उसको रीसायकल कर अपने देश के लिए इस्तेमाल कर लेता है. हमने दिग्गी चिचा को फेंका, पाकिस्तान ने इस्तेमाल कर लिया. हम मणिशंकर अन्ना को बेकार समझते रहे, पाकिस्तान ने उसकी भी वैल्यू बढ़ा दी. हद तो तब हो गयी जब अरविंद केजरीवाल जैसा प्रोडक्ट भी पाकिस्तान इस्तेमाल कर ले गया जिसका हम आज तक मैन्युअल तक न समझ पाए. हमें शाहरुख खान बनाने में 23 साल लग गए, उधर 3 साल में ही उनके नुमान खान जान ने पूरी दुनिया में चरस बो दिया है. रईसी में भी भारत और पाकिस्तान में कोई बराबरी ही नहीं. अभी कल ही उनके एक अफसर के घर इनकम टैक्स छापा पड़ा तो एक किलो टमाटर ज़ब्त किये गए हैं. यही एक चीज़ पाकिस्तान को दुनिया की इकलौती ऐसी ताकत बनाती है जो कुछ भी कर सकती है. बाकी हमें उनके यहां के टमाटर का इंतज़ार रहेगा. फिलहाल तो उनके जनरल साहब दही से काम चला रहे हैं, लेकिन मजाल जो कभी बेग़म से शिकायत करी हो. देखना होगा कि अब पाकिस्तान अगला कदम कब उठाता है.

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